


The Train That Could

by FallenWren



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 10:04:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4702004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenWren/pseuds/FallenWren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry had never seen Louis without the silver chain disappearing into his shirt.  It was a part of Louis, in much the same way that his eyes and his goofy grin were.  When one imagined Louis, one imagined his necklace as well. That’s just how it was.  </p>
<p>Harry had asked Louis once what the necklace meant, and Louis had just smiled; a small, secretive smile.  He had responded though:</p>
<p>“It’s the little train that could.”</p>
<p>At least it was, until the night everything changed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beginnings

Harry had never seen Louis without the silver chain disappearing into his shirt. It was a part of Louis, in much the same way that his eyes and his goofy grin were. When one imagined Louis, one imagined his necklace as well. That’s just how it was.

The charm that hung from the end of the silver chain wasn’t a secret or anything. Harry had seen it plenty of times, at the swimming pool, shirts off, or changing for a new gig in a new town. 

It was a train. A small silver train. Well, if he was being precise, he supposed it was just the engine. A little engine on a chain around Louis’ neck. And it was part of Louis.

Just as the train around Louis neck was inseparable from Louis, so too was Harry’s love for Louis. He loved Louis. God, he fucking adored that boy. It was just, well, he was the only one who knew that. Everyone knew about Louis’ necklace, but no one knew about Harry’s love. It was a secret, and Harry guarded it with everything he had. No one could ever know, especially not Louis. 

Harry had asked Louis once what the necklace meant, and Louis had just smiled; a small, secretive smile. He had responded though:

“It’s the little train that could.”

Harry hadn’t understood, but Louis had said the words like Harry should know, and Harry, not wanting to look like a fool, had just grinned at Louis, and nodded like the words had meant something to him. 

“Ah, yes, I see.”

But he hadn’t seen, and Louis knew that. 

Sometimes, when the going was particularly rough, when they had to play another show in another faceless town and tensions were running high, Harry would watch Louis take the train out of his shirt and hold it fisted in his right hand. Right up next to his heart. Sometimes Louis would catch Harry watching him during one of these moments, and he would smile that small, secretive grin from before. And then Harry would wish he had asked Louis to explain.

But he couldn’t do that now. It was always too late.

Harry remembered one moment in particular. The boys had all been backstage, waiting to go on. A woman had come up behind Louis, whispered something in his ear. And Harry had watched. Had watched Louis’ face crumple, his body crumple. He saw everything just fucking crumple. 

He had seen Louis’ shaking hand move up to grasp the necklace around his neck, rip it away from his neck, and throw it across the room. And then the sobs had started, the little train abandoned in a dark corner.

But Harry had been there, perhaps a poor substitute for a train, definitely a poor substitute for a mother, a mother killed in an automobile accident across an ocean. 

The other three boys had played without them that night. Management had said:

“The fans are all waiting, you can’t let them down.”

So the show had gone on. Without Harry, holding Louis. Without the little train that could.

Harry had picked up the necklace that night, the chain snapped, broken tendrils, but the train still intact. Harry had imagined that he could see the little wheels turning, a puff of smoke, and an engineer waving with a goofy grin on his face. A face that looked a little bit like Louis’ had just yesterday. Happy, full of life. Harry had hoped Louis’ face would look like that again. 

And it had. It had taken quite a while, but the grin had returned. Diminished a little? Perhaps, but it was still there. 

Harry hadn’t returned the necklace to Louis at first. Wasn’t sure what it meant. Wasn’t sure what kind of pain it could cause. He had wanted the protect Louis. 

But then, one day, when the going was rough, he had noticed Louis’ right hand in a fist, above his heart, a phantom train encased in it.

The necklace was a part of Louis. Harry knew that. He had returned it to Louis, late that night. The two of them sitting outside the tour bus, silently watching the stars. He had pulled it out of his pocket, new chain glinting in the starlight, and Louis had wept.

Harry had been the one to put the chain around Louis’ neck, restoring the train, restoring Louis. They had hugged. And Louis had whispered something into Harry’s neck, into their slightly damp embrace. 

“The little train that could. Thank you Harry. Thank you so much. Now, I know he can. Could becomes can.” 

The small smile was there, but it was no longer secretive. It was warm, allowed Harry in.

Louis had spoken again, but it was just Harry’s name.

“Harry.”


	2. Mirth and Sorrow

After that moment, everything changed. Well, maybe not everything. Louis still wore the train on a silver chain around his neck, and Harry still loved him. Harry doubted if those things would ever change. 

But there had been a shift, a change in the color of the world. Subtle, but it influenced everything. The boys noticed it as well. No longer was Harry just Harry, and Louis just Louis, but they were LouisandHarry. Always together.

Harry loved Louis, and now he wondered, did Louis love him as well?

Sometimes when the going was rough, Harry would catch Louis clutching the train. Right next to his heart. But now, instead of waiting for Louis’ secretive smile to be directed his way, Harry would go to Louis. Go to Louis and tuck himself into his side. He fit perfectly. They fit perfectly together. 

Things had been rough a lot lately. Louis and Harry spent a lot of time sharing space, arms wrapped around each other. LouisandHarry.

Yes, things were rough.

“I’m leaving the band.” 

Zayn’s mouth had moved, the words were spoken in his voice, but no. Zayn hadn’t just said that. It wasn’t possible. They were One Direction. There were five members in One Direction. It was another one of those unchangeable facts of life. 

Harry could feel Louis next to him. Could feel the intake of air, shocked air. Liam and Niall were standing motionless on his other side.

Harry reached out an arm to either side of him. His fingertips encountered the soft wool of Louis’s jumper, the warm skin of Liam’s forearm. He grasped, holding on to reality, holding on to anything. Then he pulled. Pulled his boys closer. Liam brought Niall with him, his arm wrapped around the shorter boy’s waist.

No, this couldn’t be happening. Zayn.

Zayn stood opposite them, fists clenched, head bowed. When he lifted his head to look at them, tears were streaming down his face. He did nothing to disguise his pain, did not raise a hand to wipe away his tears. 

“God, Zayn. You can’t fucking leave us.” Harry didn’t even realize he had spoken the words until he had already moved forward, taking the other boys with him.

Louis and Niall connected with Zayn. Four became five for the last time.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” Zayn said in a faint whisper, breath mingling with the other boys’ in the center of their sad, sorry little group. “I just- i just can’t do it anymore. I just can’t. I love you all.”

“We love you too Zayn. Of course we love you.” This time it was Liam’s voice. Harry could feel him trembling. Or maybe he was the one trembling?

They were all crying now. 

The silver train slipped out of Louis’ sweater and hung free from around his neck. That was a ridiculous thing to notice right now, but notice it Harry did. 

Louis noticed it too. “The little train that could.” The words came out half sob, half laugh. 

Harry squeezed Louis tighter to his side. 

“Yeah, Louis. The little train that could.” Harry still didn’t totally understand the words, but they just seemed to fit the moment. 

Zayn felt it too. “The little train that could.” Harry could hear the first hint of a smile in Zayn’s voice.

Liam wasn’t one to be left out. “The little train that could.” But he spoke the words as though he didn’t even know why he was saying them. With mock solemnity. 

There was a silence. A very charged silence.

And then Niall started laughing. One of those deep laughs that never failed to make Harry smile. Niall’s laughs always came from the heart. “We are so crazy. So fucking crazy.”

“Crazy. Yes, for sure.” Liam agreed, trying to maintain his somber tone, but failing spectacularly, as his voice cracked on the last word. 

That broke the dam. They were all laughing now. Tears of laughter joined tears of sorrow. 

Mirth. Sorrow. Were the two really so far removed? Perhaps the former was actually a combat for the latter. A defense mechanism. 

Harry removed his hand from around Louis’ waist. Louis looked over at him in confusion, laughter still crinkling the corners of his eyes.

Harry just reached up to curl his fingers around the necklace still dangling free around Louis’ neck. He looked at it for a moment, and then tucked it back inside Louis’ sweater, fingers brushing for a moment the warmth of Louis’ bare skin.

Harry then laid his hand on the outside of Louis’ sweater, right over his heart. 

The other boys didn’t notice; they were too busy laughing, enjoying the laughter the little train had given them.

Louis met Harry’s eyes and smiled a smile meant just for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoyed it! I love hearing from you all, so please leave me a comment if you've got any thoughts or suggestions!


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